Deliberate Budgeting

Two months ago I started a new job. New job = new income = new BUDGET! :D (yes, I really do get happy about things like budgeting.) I've been pretty stoked about my new budget, and some friends recommended I write a post about it. Voila!

Giving: I figure that if I make more money, I should be giving more money. So I did some thinking. I automatically give 10% of what I make to God. I decided to give an additional 1% to giving through my church (helping the needy locally, humanitarian efforts abroad, supporting missionaries, etc.) and 1% to giving outside my church. For that I chose 2 charities to support: The International Rescue Committee (which helps refugees) and Operation Underground Railroad (which rescues children from sex trafficking). And I made my own scholarship fund! I'm so excited. I found that if I save $20.83/month, I can give a $250 scholarship to a graduating senior from my old high school. I want give it to a first generation college student. I couldn't be more thrilled.

Monthly bills: This category didn't change much for me. I added renter's insurance (probably a good idea to have, and now that I actually have a positive income, I can afford $13.67/month!) and an Audible subscription. Soooo excited to listen to more books!

Everyday expenses: Also stayed about the same. I think that's important. I didn't want my standard of living to change much.

Rainy Day funds: After making a negative income during grad school I'm super excited to be more stable this way!!

• Emergency fund: I calculated out how much money I need for 1-month of frugal living and multiplied that by 6 months. I will have that amount of money saved up by the end of 2017.
• Gifts: I planned out how much I'll spend over a year for siblings/parents/niblings' b-days, mother's day and father's day, Christmas, and bridal/baby showers (only 5 of my friends can get married or have a baby, alright?!), and divided it by 12.
• Car maintenance: (oil changes + annual registration + estimated repairs)/12 months
• Health expenses: estimated co-pays, vitamins, etc.

Savings goals: I'm also super excited about this. It feels really good to know when I can afford what I want.

• Travel: This is my most extravagant category. I'm budgeting to be able to take one international trip and one national trip each year. It's that important to me. 
• Retirement: I am lucky enough that my work pays 14% of my salary into a 401k for me. Which is amazing. It's almost as much as what I should be contributing myself, so I'm pretty much off the hook, but I still invest $100/month into a Roth IRA through Betterment.com. I used to invest with a personal financial advisor, but after reading I Will Teach You to be Rich, I decided to make the switch (financial advisor's costs: 0.75%. Betterment's automated service: 0.35%...which adds up to thousands of dollars by the time I retire.) 
• Pay back Mom and Dad: I'll be out of debt to my parents by the end of 2016. Which is the last debt I have (happy dance!).
• Next car: I'm pretty excited about this one. I've paid off my car loan in April, and I decided that I'm never going to go in debt for a car again. So I'm paying myself a car loan now, and I'll have enough to get a new car in 5 years (when my current car is 10 years old). The other day I took my car to the dealer for a service, and they tried to get me to upgrade. I was tempted for half a second, but this plan helped me stick to my guns. So far I'm keeping this money in Prosper.com. Prosper is a peer-to-peer lending service like Lending Club. Basically I divide my money into different $25 chunks and invest that tiny bit into a lot of different loans. Prosper helps me vet the borrowers so I can allocate my risk appropriately. Let me tell you, it feels amazing to be lending money to people who earn twice as much money as I do. Wabaam!
• House downpayment: Yep. I'm saving up for a house. The plan is to have 5% in 3 years. I have part of this in Betterment (25% stocks 75% bonds allocation) and part in Prosper. Maybe when it gets closer I'll keep some in the bank too. Oh, my bank is pretty cool. I did some research and found one that gives me 1.6%. Which is a heck of a lot better than the (I kid you not) 0.015% interest I was getting at my old credit union.

And that's it! I have like $11 unaccounted for with this current budget. I've thought about putting it to my future kids' tuition in a Betterment account. For now, I'm pretty happy with this plan. Do you keep a budget? What part are you most excited about?

Living Deliberately During the Hard Times

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick

Every time I hear about how social media use makes you sadder, because people only post their victories, I wonder if I'm part of the problem. But I don't want to post negative things and bring people down either. As this blog has been one long string of personal victories, I decided that as it comes to a close (maybe I'll do a second round of 99, but not right now), I'd be open about how I've tried to live deliberately while going through the hard times during these same 999 days.

When I started the 99 in 2014, I was in a serious funk. The man I still loved married someone else. My job was an endless source of frustration with zero fulfillment. I struggled in school for the first time. Like, meeting with the professor for an hour a week and getting 5 hours of outside tutoring each week and still not getting it. And I moved to a new place where everyone already had friends and didn't need any more. Life seemed pointless. Why was I going to school (and failing) to get a job I already had (and didn't want)?! I really wanted to quit and just be a bum in my parents' basement for the rest of my life. <-- This is not normal me. But that's where I was.

So how did I live deliberately during that time? I confided in a few select people. I humbled myself and went to therapy. And I lowered my expectations for myself. I realized I could not do what I normally could. I generally like to think that I should always be getting better and taking on more, but at that time I had to do and take on less. My new measuring stick for a successful day was no longer "read scriptures, worked out, ate healthy, did all the school stuff, was a good friend," but rather "got enough sleep." Yep. Got enough sleep. That's what success looked like.

Fast forward to 2015. I'm happy and capable again. I'm making plans and doing stuff (making plans and doing stuff is a pretty good indicator of my inner well-being). I have friends and can reach out to the people who don't have friends. And then I pretty rapidly find myself in the midst of the biggest faith crisis I've ever experienced. My faith seems at odds with my views on gender equality. My faith seems at odds with my political and social views. Then from one day to the next, it seems completely irrational to believe in God. I'm back to my 8 year old self, who concluded, while riding my bike in circles on the driveway, that there was no reason to believe in God, but it was better than oblivion (I was quite the existential kid). All of my spiritual experiences since then can't be trusted, because they're based on feelings, which are fickle and can be manufactured.

Faith crises are alarming. It feels like you have to decide immediately. You have to figure this out right now. But haste isn't exactly good for this process. So I slowed down. I decided not to make any changes to my church activity while I was figuring it out. I spent a LOT of time thinking and introspecting. I started studying the word of God morning and evening instead of just once a day, each time with the question "Is God real?" in mind. I never stopped talking to God, even when I thought it was irrational to believe in Him. I told Him I what I was thinking about. And when it got too heavy, I shelved it for a while. One cannot carry existential burdens around all the time. Sometimes you just gotta immerse yourself in the chores of life as an escape. I confided in a very few people (this felt super vulnerable to me), whom I knew had faced real doubts with faith. It was very important to me to talk to people who had chosen to keep the faith, as that's what I wanted to do. I counseled with my ecclesiastical leaders, and just kept swimming.

Later in 2015, I also graduated. Which launched me into a quarter (third?) life crisis. I had already tried the job that my schooling prepared me for...and I had hated it. I had a door open to me, but it felt like the easy way out. I took it, and wondered if I was a pansy. I interviewed for and got offered and took a job, and then the people rescinded the offer, leaving me feeling betrayed and lost again. And so on...quite a lot of employment drama. In the course of 10 days it looked like 1) I'd be in Provo for the next 3 years, then 2) I'd be moving out to CA soon or 3) I'd be living and working in Brazil. My parents learned to stop getting excited or nervous about each new thing that looked like it was gonna happen.

Living deliberately during that time looked like moving forward with things despite uncertainty. Introspection about my talents, experiences, and my self-knowledge of employment likes and dislikes (I'm still in this phase). Rolling with the punches. Getting advice from people I trust. But mostly a lot of just making choices.

And that's my life. It's not just a series of one adventure after another (even if that's all I post about). It's a lot of messiness. Interpersonal conflict. Internal conflict. Me + God conflict. Life decisions. Uncertainty. Fear. And the beauty in between the pain.

The End of the 999

My 999 days are up. I completed 48 of my 99 goals, with an additional couple that were partially completed. And you know what? I feel pretty good about that. Half is great! When I started I fully expected to not reach all 99. It was about the intent. And setting that intent made me reach farther than I would have otherwise. Also, when I wrote up my goals I had NO conception of how hard grad school is. Otherwise I would not have put so many academic life goals on there! Just graduating in this time frame is accomplishment enough. Holy Hannah.

Here are some ways that I changed because of doing the 99 in 999:

• I budget effortlessly now. I actually found it a drag when I did my 3-month budget for my goal. But then I had this break through and now I find it really liberating! I can't imagine ever not budgeting.
• I'm now a person that stays up on the news. I've had this ideal since high school. Now I actually do it! Podcast power.
• I watch documentaries semi-frequently now.
• I feel like an expert on what to do in Utah.
• I practice yoga semi-regularly now
• I can see myself continuing to scuba dive
• I just finished my first belly dancing class (which I would've chickened out of had it not been for this blog), and totally loved it! I'll definitely be doing more.
• Mindfulness has become a thing for me, ever since meditating at the monastery. 
• aaaand I'm about to go to Brazil! I'll have that memory forever.

I think I'm more self-aware and more empowered than I was 999 days ago. A lot of that is from grad school, but some of it is from making the other goals happen. That's the thing about doing hard things--your sense of self-efficacy goes up. I can do hard things. I can make happen what I want to make happen.