#68 Weigh 130 pounds: 10 to lift off!

Today I weighed in at 139.2 - wahoo!  I haven't seen that tens digit in a while!  9.2 pounds left.  I feel like counting down to lift offf...10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-GOAL!  haha I'm a goober.

But I'm super excited to be in the 130s.  This is a goal I've set for myself many times...not just as part of this living deliberately blog.  It feels good to actually be doing it.  I feel good.  I feel healthy.  I feel energetic.

That being said, this has not been an easy journey (and I'm sure the last ten pounds will be no exception).  I've deviated.  I've felt guilt.  I've wanted to just "be done" and give in to emotional eating.  And sometimes I have.  I've learned that the way I talk to myself in those situations is super important.  I talk to myself in terms of choices, rather than character labeling.  For example, "yeah, I chose to eat that cookie.  The consequence is that it will take me longer to reach my goal.  Was it worth it?  Maybe, maybe not.  But I have empathy for myself...I can understand why I would act that way in that situation.  It was a hard social situation!  So what am I going to do now?" rather than "Ugh, I messed up again!  I can't believe I always do this.  I gain a little bit of self-control and self-respect and then I lose all the progress I think I've made.  I guess I was fooling myself to think I'd changed.  I just don't have control.  I am scared that I'll gain all the weight back when the structure of this diet is gone."  Wow--do you see the difference?  Yeah, talking to myself in the first way has been crucial for me.  I'm making lasting changes, not temporary ones.  I'm not on a diet, I'm using a program to get me to where I want to be and I'm learning principles that will help me stay healthy.  The way that I approach behavior change is crucial...

Rather than being motivated to lose weight, I want to be motivated to be healthy.  Same thing?  Hardly.  The results are related, but the mindset is not.  Rather than escaping something bad (motivated by fear, and the impetus to change being lost as soon as I see some improvement), I am creating something good (motivated by positive thinking, the impetus to change is continually there).  I am following habits of health instead of habits of disease.  I am engaged in creating optimal health.  I do this because I love myself, I love my body, and I want to show appreciate to God for it.  My body is a temple.

I decided at the beginning to post some "fitsperation" (inspiring images to help people who are on the journey to fitness) with every 5 pound checkpoint, because I think visualizing your goal is very helpful.  However, I've had a lot of trouble finding appropriate fitspo.  It rubs me completely the wrong way, and I think it's because most of it stems from conflict-driven motivation.  It comes from a place of fear, negativity, and self-loathing.  I shudder for the girls who think their self-worth comes from their body.  In fact, just looking at it makes me feel darkness.  Here's a sampling of the ones that don't look like pornography...

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" - yes, let's punish ourselves.  Come to the refrigerator, see this saying taped to it, and stop yourself with punishment.  Effective?  Yes.  But it does nothing to promote a healthy view of my body or a healthy relationship with food.

"Remember: Rome wasn't build in a day.  Work hard, good results will come" - true, and sounds uplifting.  But what about the image behind it?  It's not about who you are, it's about what you look like.  This girl doesn't have a face.  : /

"Your body is a reflection of your lifestyle" - true, your body is a result.  It is not something fighting against you.  Yet something about it disturbs me.  Does it disturb you?   

"Suck it up now and you won't have to suck it in later" - yes, let's promote self-loathing.  

"Lifting weights makes women huge?  False.  Cupcakes make women huge." This one made me laugh!  ...buuut it still comes from the wrong motivation.

Even the memes that don't have pictures of scantily clad "ideal" bodies (did you notice that half of the time they don't even show their faces?) exhibit conflict-driven motivational messages:

...these sayings could motivate you to get up and go work out now, but what's the lasting impact?  How do they make you feel about yourself, your body, and others?  I think if this were my motivation, I would objectify myself and everyone around me.  I'd feel bad about myself, for my worth would be determined by something empty, and then I'd start to judge everyone.

Soap box?  A little bit.  :)  So let's bring in some positive inspiration, coming from a desire to create something beautiful, rather than escape something negative.  Was it hard to find?  Yes.  I sifted through a ginormous Pinterest page and came up with only 4.

This could be coming from conflict-based motivation,
but having a healthy attitude toward failure is essential. 

isn't it amazing what the body can do?  I feel like the emphasis here
 is on the wonder and capability of the human body
rather than the objectification of it.  It makes me want
to try harder in yoga.  :)

This is important

Amen.  Faith is so much more powerful than fear.

What are your thoughts?  How do you talk to yourself when you don't live up to your own expectations?  Where does your motivation come from?  Am I reading into fitsperation too much?  I'd love to hear from you.